I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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