you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
