shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
