i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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