Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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