It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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