Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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