I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize