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you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
