Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
