Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
