I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
