If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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