she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
