I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
