I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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