Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
