Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
no, he came in my armpit
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize