i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
