How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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