She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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