I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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