Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
