Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
