You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
