Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
