Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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