I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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