69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
