I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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