how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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