I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
