I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize