I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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