i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
