Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
