I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
