Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
