guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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