I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have fence marks all over my body
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
