I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
