I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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