we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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