If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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