My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I love you. Go after that dick
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
