just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
