i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
