he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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