I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Randomize
