I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
