i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
