What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
