so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
