She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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