I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
