high people should be assigned attendants
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
