I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
