Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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