Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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