It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
