My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
