We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
