i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
