i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
