Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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