well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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