I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize