1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
