I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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