you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
