Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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