She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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