Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize