she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
