YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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