Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Let's get the cat blown out
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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