im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
