I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
that is very illegal...i love you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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