Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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