it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
