I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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