did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
