i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
