The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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