dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm having to shit out rocks
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